Something which I remembered last night whilst at the seminar which I haven't shared here. We had to promise to do all the assignments, even though we don't actually know what we're going to be doing until the night itself. And that reminded me of the conversation with Janet about the promise I'd made to Jules back on August 20th 2003.
On the night before the second operation, after we'd gone and had dinner with Jules, everyone left us for a moment together. We chatted about stuff, how scared she was, and what was about to happen, for a second time. And I said to her, "Don't worry, you'll never die, promise". So, 10 months and 14 days ago I broke my promise, and without realising it, carried this feeling of guilt along with me. Now, I know how silly that is, after all, we can't control the future, it's a mystery, we live in the present and the gift that the present is. But I didn't realise that this, along with a number of other things which I've completed, was causing all this pain.
So, what's happened as a result of this? Well, all of you surely can see the weight that has lifted from my shoulders. I'm talking to people, sharing what a wonderful life I had, and have. And the best part? Closing my eyes and dreaming about all the things I've done. Smiling. Realising I had a fantastically fulfilling 8 years of my life with the most wonderful person anyone could know.
I'll add a second story in a minute once I've stopped crying. And don't worry, it's happy tears, if you know what I mean 
