February 17, 2004
The secret lives of bananas
I got into the most surreal argument today.
Most every morning I buy a heap of fruit on the way to work to snack on during the day. Today was no exception and by mid afternoon, my pile of fruit had been whittled down to a single banana. It was a very healthy looking sort of banana, just the right shade of yellow and quite plump, if such a word can be used to describe a banana. Nevertheless, sitting there all by itself, it gave the impression of being a little forlorn. In order to brighten up its day I took a pencil and gently carved the words "Today is a good day to be a banana" into it's side. After a few minutes, the words darkened to a nice shade of brown and the message was legible for all to see. The banana looked much happier.
Later on, one of our finance people, Wendy, passed by and took exception to the phrase. She started to argue that bananas really lead quite horrible lives and I countered that, as far as the live of fruit goes, bananas are not too poorly off at all. She remained unconvinced. We debated the lives of bananas for a few minutes until we realised that there were several people nearby giving us rather incredulous looks and we stopped.
Wendy looked more embarrassed than I did. I consider that a moral victory.
Dear IMark,
I have a banana dilemna. Of the few choice fruits I purchased at the grocers the other day, I have one banana left. (true story)
Now, I am fairly peckish and would enjoy eating the banana now. On the other hand, it would also be nice in the morning for breakfast. But as its a couple days old, would I risk it being over-ripe in the morning? Or even worse spoiling so that it isn't good to eat, and may have to be chucked? Shocking, I know. So do I eat the banana now or wait til tommorow but risk losing out on wholesome banana goodness?
Help me IMark, what should I do!
Yours, concerned.
Atlanta, GA.
Dear Concerned,
The answer is plain for all to see. Eat the banana now and have a bowl of muesli (preferably Aplen) for breakfast.
Always glad to be off service,
Mark
aplen? Whats that precious? Eurgh. Spoiling nice milk. Strange hobbitsses. You keep nasty aplen. Give me nice milk, keeps eyes bright, fingers tight, yes my precious.
(I am eating banana now. mmm)
Posted by: thumper at February 17, 2004 11:41 PMI have a hankering for a banana, but my kumquat has taken exception to that. It's off in the corner over-ripening just to spite me. And please don't mention this to the kiwi fruit. I'd have a fruit salad, but whenever I mention it, the citruses throw a fit and start screaming "carnage" and "murder."
So I was about to eat a carrot when this strange looking cow appeared and advised me not to as he knew several vegetables with particularly strong opinions on the eating of carrots.
I can't even finish my water as I hear it's horrible being drunk.
But I have a plan. If they don't start behaving, I'm going to put them all in traditional, American fruitcake!
That'll teach 'em.
Posted by: Kevin at February 18, 2004 12:00 AMBack to the banana dilemma: I have two almost completely brown bananas sitting, or should I say reclining, on my counter. I plan to change their lives completely and bake them into banana bread.
So, in my opinion, every day is a good day to be a banana.
Posted by: Michelle at February 18, 2004 06:32 PMIsn't it weird that the most surreal of your postings has garnered the most talkback....
I'm sticking to Atkins... NO NASTY BANANAS... NO MILK... JUST NICE PRECIOUS MEEEEEATTT!
Keep well all!
Well, since I am part banana, I felt compelled to speak my piece. Normally, I would side with Wendy in feeling that it is quite heartless to eat (let alone carve) my kind, but in this case I find iMark's sympatico with bananas to be quite compelling and wish them much joy in their continued attempts at communication.
[Yes, I was called Banana in elementary and high school - long blonde hair and freckles and a name that rhymes - and it used to make me cry. Sometime later I reclaimed the moniker as a way of fending off peer pressure, since being known as a banana gave me license to be, well, different... Then again my high school nicknames ranged from Banana to Planet of the Apes to Fonzie. Go figure, uh, I mean, go bananas (hehehe)]
Posted by: Banna at February 19, 2004 04:49 AM