"I've already waited too long"

The title is a line from "How soon is now" by The Smiths, which iTunes saw fit to play for me as it continues weaving aimlessly through my song collection. I've been feeling in a bit of a funk recently and I know exactly why: it's the waiting. I like to think of myself a patient person, despite what some might claim to be overwhelming evidence to the contrary. The truth of the matter is fairly simple - I'm only impatient with the small things. The big things I can wait (and have waited) years on. But there's only one big thing I'm left waiting on now - I want out of this place, this city. I'm fed up with it. It's not one thing in particular, so much as the fact that I made up my mind to move on a long ago and I'm still here. I've let myself be persuaded to stay... no, let me be honest about it, I've persuaded myself to stay. There's nothing keeping me here except my own misguided sense of responsibility - what other people have asked of me is nothing more than an excuse I've been using to stick around. Goodness knows why. I've strung myself up in this limbo neither wanting to be here, and not entirely sure what lies ahead of me there. It feels like the one of those interminable Christmas Eve's when the night seemed to stretch on forever, except that now the promise of morning seems empty and hollow.

Only 7 months to go.

I'll be home by Christmas.

Promise.