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April 17, 2008
Round and round in ever decreasing circles
The phone rings…
…and, yes, sadly I’m no longer excited by the prospect of scintillating conversation.
It’s rung three times today, twice was a recorded disembodied voice telling me they had an important announcement. They never get further than that before I hang up.
The third time it was the ordinary voice of a northern girl.
“Hello, is that John Coombes?
What was this? Someone wants to speak to me – someone wants to commission a large painting, or even meet for a coffee and discuss the finer points of Kino-Pravda.
“I am he”
“who? - er – what?… oh, my name’s Trudy from the Universal Group and…”
“Hello Trudy, before you go any further I must explain that I am an artist, self employed and currently starving in an unheated garret above a glue factory.”
“Well I can offer you great savings on your phone bills”
“I don’t have a phone.”
SILENCE
“er, well, what am I speaking to you on?”
“oh, this phone –“
“You’re currently with BT –“
“Yes, and before you tell me you can save me the mind-numbing sum of £1.30 a year, I’ve done a special deal with BT whereby they keep my mother locked up in their cellar for two years while I enjoy considerable savings on my monthly account. I fear that should I elect to go with another provider my aged blood relative would get it.”
SILENCE
“Ha! My friend said he heard from someone that BT had their children in a cage.”
“Yes, that was me, last week, thank you for calling again so soon, goodbye.”
Posted by john at April 17, 2008 05:54 PM